Restlessness set in a couple weeks ago. And it kept building. I knew the last two months of nonexistent socializing and limited human interaction played a part. I knew my Company’s annual convention being cancelled played a part. But it was more than that. The uncomfortable emotions I’ve worked hard to lean into and work through rather than ignoring demanded to be center of attention. And I couldn’t figure it out. Then the anxiety started creeping up.
An unknown source of restlessness.
A wave of uncomfortable.
A disdain for anxiety.
I was very uncomfortable.
I made an intentional choice not to let the restlessness derail me. And I sat in it. I did not wallow or lament. I sat in the restlessness.
And then of all the places to find the answer….social media. My social media memories for the last fifteen years reminded me that May has found me traveling. And it all made sense. Whatever part of us that knows something is different – off – tilted – not the way it’s supposed to be or usually is – was talking to me. And it showed up as restlessness.
I love to travel.
I crave adventure.
I like to fly by the seat of my pants.
I have wanderlust.
And it all made sense.
It allowed me to rest in my restlessness.
Nothing changed. At least not my circumstances. Or my lack of plans to travel in May.
My restlessness didn’t disappear. But the anxiety subsided.
And recognizing the source of those uncomfortable feelings put me at ease.
Rest doesn’t just mean pausing, filling our cup, being happy, feeling peaceful. Rest also means acknowledging what isn’t right or normal in our lives. Rest means coming as we are. Rest is recognizing there is a purpose to the unknown.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” ~Matthew 11:28-30