Twice Full Circle

“Sometimes life brings you full circle to a place you have been before just to show you how much you have grown.” I managed to save the quote but don’t know to whom to give credit.

“And sometimes life brings you twice full circle.” -Cheryl Winham

Healing comes in waves and layers. And certain events are landmarks because they serve as reminders of how far we have come. How much we have grown. We find we have come full circle. Sometimes twice full circle. And the full circle is a reminder that all the hard work of healing was worth it.

I think the best way to explain what full circle is to me is to give personal examples from my own life. I hope they serve as encouragement to you.

June 2018 – excerpted from a Facebook post 

The last time I was in an airport and was flying to an event, it was two days after my world had fallen apart in October 2017.  No one except my closest friends & family knew the pain I was in. My goals were to remember to breathe and to not completely fall apart. I am sure the passengers next to me wondered why my tears wouldn’t stop. I am sure people wondered why, in the middle of an event, I would disappear. In those first days and weeks, I experienced anxiety for the first time in my life. And I was in survival mode.

So as I was driving to the airport today, I felt this wave of emotion wash over me. At first, I wondered where it came from. It wasn’t a bad wave of emotion. It felt like a release of the weight and pain I have carried and slowly healed from.  And then I realized I am back at the place where eight months ago – I was getting on a plane, going to the same place as I am today, with the same group of friends & business partners and my world is no longer “fallen apart.”

And while some may have wondered when Convention was announced, “Why are we going back to Orlando? We were just there in October.” We went back to Orlando for me. Full circle. 

November 2019

I also headed to Oklahoma in November 2017 to spend Thanksgiving with my youngest brother, sister-in-law and nieces. Truth be told, I was running away from anything back home that would remind me that Thanksgiving would never look the same. Though most of the holidays were a blur that year, I remember doing my best to not make other guests uncomfortable with my rounds of endless tears. I remember excusing myself many times. I remember the pure innocent love my nieces showed me by reaching out and holding my hand when they saw tears fall from my eyes.

Fast forward to this past week and I found myself back in Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. But this year, it was joy and laughter and giggles and silliness. No tears except the good kind. Nothing forced. All flowing out of my healing and the zest I have found again for life. Last year would have been too soon. This year was perfect timing. Full circle.

If today you are in a similar place as I was in October or November 2017, know there is hope; there is healing; there is a full life again. And I am sharing with you as one who felt the dark days and wondered how I would find my way out, you will have your full circle moments. Maybe six months from now, maybe two years from now.

It takes time. But there is healing and new wholeness that comes. 

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
 instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair. – Isaiah 61:1-3

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